Weekend Therapy

 

Sometimes, you need to step outside, get some air, and remind yourself of who you are and who you want to be.

~ Author Unknown

This weekend was beautiful and gorgeous.  The sun on my face felt healing, the time with my husband, my sisters and my son was therapeutic.  It was great to have my niece and nephew and sisters out for breakfast on Saturday and enjoy crazy animal time at what we jokingly call our zoo.  Their childhood excitement and millions of questions reminded me how much I have missed them all.  The physical exhaustion that Babylon has caused took away our weekly family time so many long months ago.  I have missed them so and enjoyed the breakfast, laughs, conversations and visit.

The last few years have ravaged my soul and spirit.  Some days I spend so much time inside I don’t realize how much I’ve let things change and get away from me.  Spending countless hours outside on our homestead used to feed my soul and spirit.  I would spend hours on end singing hymns to myself from Sunday’s worship service, say countless prayers, and in endless conversations with my glorious  Lord and Savior.

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Things have definitely changed around here.  My once beautiful flower beds are overgrown, suffocating each other and there’s a mess of tangled weeds and blooms in such a disarray it shamefully resembles my own life.  The sun has barely kissed my skin this year as I have stared at my garden from the safety of the kitchen windows most weekends.  No longer am I tending to the food I planted months ago to sustain us for another year in our treasured garden.  Once a symbol of hard back breaking work is now producing a harvest only at the mercy and blessings of my Lord and the determination of my husband to keep it going.

This weekend I spent a lot of time reflecting and doing the things that bring me joy.  I’m exhausted from letting the last few years keep me battered and bruised.  I’ve seen first hand how long it can take to heal from worldly battle wounds. The world out there is a  cruel place that has not only shattered my heart at times, but a place that has lead me astray like a lost sheep as well and I’ve shattered the hearts of others.  The guilt of hurting others can leave a hot burning scar.

I want to breathe again at least for a weekend…to really breathe!

I refuse to let Babylon win.  I feel it slowly seeping into more and more of my life.

Along with my flower beds and garden being in a state of despair so our a few of my animal pens.  Finally dusting off my cowboy boots and cleaning the muck out of the new turkey pen felt liberating this weekend.  Several muscles were screaming in my body but it was needed and felt great.  Barn work feels like therapy some days.  Good therapy.  The loud animal sounds of the zoo bring me comfort and stops time for a few hours.  It’s just me and my animals and nothing else matters, not pain, not guilt, not suffering.  For a few hours my mind can feel silent and I’m relaxed.

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I’m so thankful I live where I can see the blue sky, rolling green hills and the wind in my face as we check our herds of cattle.  I have a great appreciation for God’s creation, his animals, and the blessings he has given my husband and I on our homestead.  I miss the daily responsibilities our life together in the country used to bestow on us side by side day after day.  I’m grateful my husband always tries to include me in his travels even when he has heard my decline time after time during the last year.  He never stops trying to persuade me to step outside and breathe again and has never given up on helping me try to feel like me again.

Taking several adventures in the cattle pastures next to my husband and dogs poured sun into my heart and soul.  I love riding through the small hills and taking stock of our animals that are growing and reproducing and rebuilding our herd.

Sunday broke bright and beautiful and seasonably warm for a change.  I parked myself in the streams of light across my porch with coffee in one hand and a book in the other.  I forced myself to let time stop even if just for another few short moments.  I turned my face to the sun and thanked my Lord for the blessings in my life.

I let my vision focus

I put my feet up

I opened my book

and took a breath of fresh air

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